Ughhh, it’s right there, I’m staring at it i could just take off the top and do it but i still don’t know where, in the winter i did it on my shoulders. It’s the summer now.I’m finding myself having memory issues lately. my synthasesia¬† is getting weird again

I’m sitting here its two am going on three, i rocking back and forth,tears streaming down my face. Remembering the rest of the day. Fighting, name calling, ” Retard you can’t do anything right!” she keeps calling me a retard.she ripped my calendar that was hanging on my door, just like my last poster. She asked where it came form ” I don’t know.” blue metal bits still left in it, it was turning black, she didn’t notice.she can’t hear me crying at night or hear the blood. she doesn’t notice. I went to jail, she saw, she noticed my shoulder, but didn’t look lower, i was happy at that but she would have seen that, but what would she have thought? The weird night. I had to go back i couldn’t miss a day for six weeks when i was at my worst, i couldn’t take a break i had to keep my grades up i had to not get in trouble i had to keep my emotions in control. No more walking out of the class room¬† when i got upset i was expected to sit there . orchestra, i couldn’t read the rhythms , why? How could I be the only one who got overwhelmed by the little circles. HOW HOW COULD SOMETHING SO FUCKING SIMPLE BREAK ME THE FUCK DOWN, FIRST FUCKING CHAIR AND I WAS CRYING.THREE TIMES.